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Breathe, Colleen

from Notes on a Crisis by Dani-Rae Clark

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about

Responding to an overdose has an impact on a person. Fear, Adrenaline, anger, gratitude, fear, fatigue, fear. I was trying to be emotionally responsible by scheduling a lesbian process time on a day that I hadn't had to Narcan someone, but it was a real tough couple of weeks and I just couldn't. This song is about how the opioid crisis has impacted my relationships with undertones of emergency where there is none, and the constant underlying fear of death where there is really no need.

For Colleen, who steadies the waters, and hushes the horrors on my mind.

lyrics

The first woman I ever loved
Never loved me and she never will
So I ain't had nothing to lose
But I could hold you still
I like to hold you still

Why do you try so damn hard
To hold onto that shitty job
And hold onto that basement suite
Whats with you and consistency
As if there's such thing as security
Why don't you just get in the truck with me?

And why did you try so damn hard
To keep the truth from come'n out
And not to change the way things were
Well that's all ruined now.

And why do you cry so damn hard
Even when I was in your arms
And I walked out of your back yard
Just a square of concrete
And you stood in your back yard
Staring out at me

When I'm asking you to breathe, Colleen
Let me leave with one more thing
Cause you don't know the shit I've seen
Like that colour blue
Of a man who'll never breathe for you
And that empty stare
of man who's no longer there
When I'm asking you to breathe, Colleen
Even if I don't deserve a thing
I want to hear that holy sound
Of your chest rising up and down.

Like every woman I've ever loved
You'll never outweigh my wayward will
But if I had something to lose
I would hold you still.

credits

from Notes on a Crisis, released March 29, 2020

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Dani-Rae Clark Vancouver, British Columbia

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